CHANGE

I HAVE BEEN CLEANING THINGS OUT AROUND HERE LATELY AND CAME ACROSS A BATCH OF OLD LETTERS. THEY ARE ALL ADDRESSED TO MY GRANDMA GREGORY AND ARE WRITTEN BY MYSELF (MAINLY FROM WHEN I LIVED IN LAS VEGAS), MY BROTHER ANDY (FROM WHEN HE WAS IN THE MARINES) AND FROM MY DAD, GRANDMAS SON BILLY (WHEN HE WAS IN THE ARMY IN 1958). I REREAD ALL THE ONES MY DAD WROTE HIS MOM AND FAMILY WHILE HE WAS AWAY IN THE SERVICE. HE MISSED THEM ALL DEARLY. I CRIED A BIT AND LAUGHED A LOT. THEY ARE SO SWEET AND REAL. HE TALKS OF MISSING SKATING AND HUNTING IN THE WOODS AND DRIVING HIS CAR, WATCHING TV WITH HIS FAMILY AND JUST REALIZING HOW GREAT HIS LIFE WAS. IT WAS A SIMPLER TIME IN 1958 BUT YET STILL SO THE SAME. AT LEAST WHEN IT COMES TO NOT ALWAYS KNOWING WHAT YOU HAVE, UNTIL IT IS GONE. 

NOW WHEN ME AND MY DAD TALK ABOUT OUR PASTS, OUR CHILDHOODS,WE KNOW WHAT WE HAD AND ARE SO GRATEFUL FOR IT ALL!!!! I FEEL LIKE FROM BIRTH TILL 22-ISH WAS ONE WHOLE  ERA OF MY LIFE AND THEN 22-ISH TILL 40 WAS ANOTHER. FROM 40 TILL NOW(48) AND STILL COUNTING IT HAS BEEN SO DIFFERENT. SOOOO MUCH CHANGE! SO LITTLE PEACE FOR LACK OF A BETTER WORD. IM NOT TALKING ABOUT POLITICS HERE, BUT LIFE. I'M STRUGGLING A BIT TO FIND MY COMFORT ZONE THESE PAST YEARS. DON'T GET ME WRONG. I HAVE HAD MANY MANY MANY HAPPY MEMORIES BUT THESE YEARS JUST SEEM TO ALWAYS BE UNSETTLED. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN??? I FEEL LIKE THE WORLD NEEDS TO STOP AGAIN FOR A BIT SO WE CAN ALL JUST HUNKER DOWN INTO A NEW ERA, INSTEAD OF JUST FLITTING ABOUT FROM ONE EMOTIONAL UPHEAVAL TO ANOTHER. I HAVE SAID THIS YEAR, 2017, HAS GIVEN ME THE FEELING OF CHANGE. BIG CHANGE! MAYBE AFTER SAID CHANGES WE WILL ALL FINALLY BE ABLE TO SETTLE INTO OUR NEW COMFORT ZONES FOR A BIT :}.

(THE PIC ABOVE IS OF MY DAD, BROTHER DAVE, MY MOM AND HER OLD FRIENDS SONJA AND RICKY IN THE 70"S. IT FILLS ME WITH MILLIONS OF PAST MEMORIES :}]

MY PAST WAS AMAZING, HARD, PAINFUL,WONDERFUL AND SO FULL OF LOVE. I LIVE THERE OFTEN BUT I AM TRYING TO SEE AHEAD NOW. TAKE MY LESSONS THAT I FEEL IVE LEARNED WELL (ALWAYS THE HARD WAY OF COURSE ;] }AND BEGIN TO EVOLVE. I WANT AND NEED TO EVOLVE INTO A NEW PEACEFUL ME AND A NEW ERA. I THINK THE LESSON THAT I AM CURRENTLY LEARNING TO ACCEPT IS THAT, WE CAN "NOT" CONTROL ALL THINGS. SMALL THINGS,YES, BUT THE BIG STUFF, NO!! WE CANT ALWAYS CONTROL WHAT PEOPLE DO OR FEEL AND WE CANT ALWAYS MAKE THINGS BETTER. ALL WE CAN DO, IS LET OUR LOVED ONES KNOW  WE LOVE THEM, SHOW THEM WE LOVE THEM WITH KIND WORDS AND GESTURES AND NOT LOSE OURSELVES IN THE PROCESS AND ALL THOSE THORNS IN OUR SIDES...STOP GIVING THEM CONTROL OVER EMOTIONS AND LIVES!!!!!!!

OKAY..., IM DONE NOW, LOL.

ON TO SOME SWEET SIMPLE THINGS :}

MY NEW FRIEND CHUBS THE WITCHY MOUSE ;].

THANKS FOR LISTENING! HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND EVERYBODY!!! I AM GOING TO GO DO SOME STRETCHES AND JUST BREATH :}. ITS PEACEFUL ;].

XOXOXOXOXO